Hungering Through The Wait
by Michelle K
In journeying as a prophetic singer, I’ve often reminded myself of this: I can have as much of God as I desire.
He is truly boundless.
And our hunger, our pursuit, of Him is founded on His endless nature - we can’t reach the end of a boundless God.
I’m still so far from really knowing the heart and nature of God, but I know this: the honest wrestle, the earnest search, is required of us as prophetic singers and musicians. For how can we prophesy (communicate the heart of God) without knowing Him? We can sing truths from the Bible (which are powerful) but when we’ve fought to know those truths personally, we gain an authority that’s not there otherwise.
As I’ve served in the house of prayer ministry for the last few years, I learned that pursuing God entails quite a bit of waiting – not in the sense of waiting for encounter or zeal, but rather waiting upon the Lord, unwilling to budge until we get more of Him. We are not to wait for hunger, but we are to hunger through the wait. We are to pursue hunger. We often yearn for those moments of easy encounter, but what if we simply desired more of Him, whatever that looked like? Even if that means fighting to get into that place of worship, and then waiting some more upon Him?
In reflecting on my journey, the Lord reminded me of something He taught me a few years back while serving in Korea:
Between the glorious and explosive moments of praise and revelation, there are often longer moments of enduring and waiting. I don’t like waiting. (Really, who does?) But in the waiting, God gives me a choice. My heart is tested. I can search Him out, contend for His presence, and declare His promises. Or I can sulk, feel entitled, or have a ‘let’s just get through this’ mindset.
I realized that with every prayer watch I attend or lead, God wants to speak and wants to be sought out. I don’t always feel His delight or hear His voice clearly, even as I lead worship. But faith is believing without having seen.
Enduring has taught me to choose Him, to choose truth rather than be defaulted into it. It has put weight and depth to what I sing. It has grown a greater longing for Jesus. It’s not about what I gain from being in His presence. It’s about showing up and giving God the glory He deserves.
Being willing to wait upon the Lord stirs up in us a faith in the unseen. Truly, blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed. [John 20:29] We often sing, not knowing how much of a difference our songs are actually making. But in what seem like dry moments, I’m reminded that no labour in the Lord is in vain, and that my words have power. Literally each time I sincerely pray or sing His Word - even if it’s the same thing again and again - I am making a difference. Each time is added incense; each time is another moment I get to move the heart of God.
This mindset of hungering, waiting, and believing in the unseen gives me strength even in the physical sense. As I played guitar and sang for two hours, often with no other instrumental backing besides an mp3 of synth pads (the pads only came a few years into the game), I would have to fight the physical pain in my fingers. I’m not an experienced or skilled guitarist, so while I did build up calluses through the hours of playing, it still hurt to play for long stretches without breaks. It felt like the Lord was training me physically, mentally, and spiritually. Countless times I thought my fingers would bleed (they didn’t, thankfully), and I’d just press past the pain and distraction of pressing those guitar strings. Through phlegmy coughs and headaches, exhaustion and crummy moods, distractions and technical difficulties, the invitation to press in remained. I’d ask the Lord to help me, to give me endurance and to help me focus on what He’s saying or doing. I’d look to the worthy One and pray that He get all due glory. And He’d always, always come through.
Isn’t this the reality of life? We are faced with daily interruptions and unexpected circumstances. But in the midst of all resistance, the Lord searches for hearts that will still choose to be set on waiting for Him. He searches for ones who genuinely believe that one verse of Scripture - even one word - can speak volumes in one sitting, and then in ten, hundreds, and thousands thereafter. The amount of revelation we receive is dependent upon whether we seek it out, if we yearn enough to sit for however long it takes.
I love how the Shulamite bride in Song of Songs 3 sought out her lover. She sought him but found him not, so she rose and went about the city to seek the one whom her soul loves. Are we willing to get up and go about the city to seek Him when the initial ask is not enough? Are we willing to sometimes stop even singing and praying to sit in selah moments in the middle of a set to wait upon Him, to search out His heart and ask for deeper revelation?
As we discover more of Him, we find a growing confidence in who He is and what He’s doing. We become more like the Shulamite bride in Song of Songs 6, who, when asked where her beloved has gone, confidently says that he’s in his garden picking her flowers. He’s not gone; he’s picking flowers for her! In his seeming absence, she isn’t in worried questioning. She knows exactly where he is: he’s preparing a gift for her!
Will we choose to hunger through the wait - dare I say, hunger for the wait - rather than avoid the pain of waiting, knowing He is preparing something incredible for His bride?
May the current moments of waiting in every sense ultimately stir in us a longing more profound still - a groaning of holy dissatisfaction as we wait for the glorious return of our beautiful King Jesus.